Namaste! I warmly welcome you to the bandwagon of excited individuals who can’t wait to get married!
I, along with the rest of you am in that age bracket where everyone is either trying to set me up on a date, or find an ideal qualified partner for me who has a masters degree in good looks, a foreign returned stamp, and a very solid CTC.
Besides, the regular aunts & uncles trying to find a match, you’ll also magically find yourself on some matrimonial sites. Let’s not hide the fact that sometimes, we volunteer to sign up for this. Maybe, the love is looking for you on the net? Leave no stone unturned, we say!
And the journey begins. As soon as you’ve created an account on these promising matrimonial sites, you’ll suddenly find some unnamed activities on a rise. You’ll be amused at a few things and also shocked! These revelations will leave you dumbfounded, successfully. Here are a few of those.
Things That Happen When You Register On A Matrimonial Sites:
1. You’ll find hundreds of messages in your inbox with Hi & Hello written in all sorts of spellings.
My favorite is “Heylo” followed by “Myself, XYZ, from…
2. Majority of the times, it isn’t the boy or the girl who is doing the talking, you’ll find the parents far more active!
…Visiting the page as frequently as we check our Whatsapp messages. You’ll never really know who is on the other side.
3. You learn new ways of marketing!
Did you ever think of taking this as a full-time job? Time to convert your passion of self-admiration into a real career, maybe?
Here we could also add that the resume for marriage is not really a resume of your qualifications it’s all of a sudden about hobbies, religious orientation, looks height and weight, etc. To make it funny and real. Could be clubbed with 6
4. The endless list of filters & bands.
Drink? Smoke? Eat? Finding a partner is already so tough, with these added features, the chances of getting lucky, almost zilch.
5. You’ll understand the blur feature in Photoshop better.
Unless you become a premium member, you just have to make do with the hazy unclear image that appears next to a likely candidate.
6. The hobby section reminds you of Class 2 Slam books all over again!
You’ll find the most stereotypical hobbies like dancing, singing, reading and sometimes even driving and making friends.
7. Make sure to keep a calculator next to you or at least brush up on your Mathematical skills.
Very often, you’ll find people conveniently increasing their height by 1.5-2 inches. Remember statistics are not your friends, rather they are deceptive. Go figure.
8. Flattery takes another role altogether.
Dear U, Relax! This isn’t Bollywood.
9. There is always a trial period.
You can be off the market while you are chatting with a prospect, there are different packages available starting at 15 days and you can also upgrade it to suit yourself. Don’t worry, the kundli matchers are going to cut you some slack before finding more such prospects.
10. Your English vocabulary suddenly broadens.
Eggetarian: Vegetarian who also eats eggs.
Occasionally Non-Vegetarian: Vegetarian at home but Non-Vegetarian outside.
Flexitarian: Sometimes totally Vegetarian and during other periods, Non-vegetarian.
11. The promise to find the best match.
Give a special amount to get into the elite league for better, more refined partners. We thought marriages were made in heaven?!
12. You don’t know what persistence means until you’ve logged on.
You’ll comprehend this better, when you find a person who messages you every two hours, wanting a response. After the momentary feel-good factors, you’ll realize that someone is not just there to woo you, they are part crazy.
13. Did you know there a million variants of the “Fair” skin tone?
Ranging from chocolate brown to white like a Caucasian. (The fair and lovely shade card syndrome, I honestly the shade card has ruined the sanity of many single women and men’s sanity)
I’m sure you’ve had a rather entertaining quest yourself, Do make sure to write in to us and share your experience!
PS: “I do not want to use flowery language like the others, I don’t know how to praise myself but I am a well-settled, good-looking, tall, intelligent boy looking for a simple, beautiful, homely girl.”